Wednesday, April 28, 2010

If Ehrlich keeps running his damn mouth, he might end up getting a lung blown out

(I feel your pain at not being able to see my sexy self...WBAL Radio sucks)

Beep Beep! Everybody jump aboard the O'Malley/Obama train...

While Ehrlich is heating up the hatorade, I'll be cooking up da Kool-Aid for my followers. Im bringing hope and change to Maryland. Like my campaign manager says, Maryland is better off than it was 4yrs ago :)

The Repbs like to hate on me and say that my policies only lead to failure, but I believe that they will work...and that's all that matters.

Today was a great day, just like yesterday. Coz Everyone's attention was where it belonged ON SEXY ME

Even Ehrlich radio showed up to talk to my fans. One even said that I am going to be president someday.

Damn right I'm headed straight for da top. As I tweeted previously:
Repbs need 2 stop looking at Massachusetts. MD race = American Idol. While Ehrlich is getting his angry DJ act on, I'll be getting my fly on
8:04 PM Jan 21st via web
Because I am still the governor. My concerts sell out. Obama returns my texts. And I am clearly the hottest politician around.
8:05 PM Jan 21st via web
I knew I was destined for the governorship ever since my days on the council. Maryland can't hold me, I've got too much ambition.
8:10 PM Jan 21st via web
The next JFK? Chillin in the Senate? Irish ambassador 4 life? Either way, I'm going to make it while Ehrlich is stuck sipping his hatorade
8:12 PM Jan 21st via web
So Repbs (& @justdafacts, @baltimoresun & all the @mddems who keep at it) need to stop trying to make Ehrlich happen. End of discussion.
8:13 PM Jan 21st via web

And best of all Ehrlich had enough goddamn sense to keep his mouth shut. He told the press would not be available for comment. LOL looks like da "threats" are working.

Some of U might have been wondering why O'Malley hasn't been writing his lyrical poetry since he became governor. After all I didn't give up the partying, playing music, being fly or any of the other good stuff after I got into office.

Well, my band didn't like the new lyrics I had written about Ehrlich. They said they weren't a gansta rap group and they were gonna stop playing with me if I continued in that direction. That's why my last joint was all covers. O'Malley's been a good boy....

Some of U might also have been wondering why my peoples are going after Ehrlich's radio show after my number 1 fan said I wouldn't....

To all the people who say that the Wire was make all have obviously never been to Baltimore. *smh* And People wonder why we have a crime problem. Well, it's because fools keep trippin and runnin their mouths. Some even have their own radio shows where they get paid to spread their hate all over the state.

One day, I was just chillin in da back of my car being chauffeured when what do I hear but two haters talkin their shit about me on WBAL radio. I immediately ordered my driver to step on the gas and head to WBAL studio, so I could settle this mess. Just because I was mayor of Baltimore did not mean that I couldn't roll on up and kick their asses. And just because I'm governor of Maryland does not mean I still can't kick Ehrlich's ass, cause if I have to wake up early on a Saturday morning to head down to WBAL studios to stop his nonsense, then I'm most def bringing an ass kicking with me.

Recently Ehrlich called me up and said something like: "Been hearing haters say that Ehrlich fell off, that he lost the last election, that he couldn't win a in Dem state without KKT (Me: Yeah, I know U suck. Get to the point) Well, I just wanted to let ya know that I have over 20,000 facebook friends, while you only have 8,000. I saw you were organizing some campaign kick-off events and if you needed help, I could loan you some supporters."


Ok, first off we have unions to get da rooms packed.

Second, I got so pissed off and emotional over that shit that even before the phone hit the ground, I had four staff members holding me down. I kept telling Rick to make them let me go. I told him I didn't care. I just needed to get Ehrlich. Just let me grab my muscle shirt so I can get to the ass kicking part. I didn't even care if Kendel grabbed one of his golf clubs and came out swinging like Tiger Woods' wife. I just needed to get my revenge. U better believe this is a grudge match for me.

After I calmed down, Rick told me not to worry, since we have the Democratic party to go after Ehrlich.

"Yeah, but he doesn't have to give up his show till he registers in July, if he keeps runnin his mouth, he's going to make me lose my cool and force me to go all out on him before then"

"Don't worry," Rick said, "we can make him give up the show before then...."


Friday, April 23, 2010

Da Party Don't Stop When We Dems Roll In

To all the haters out there who ask: Why does it seem like O'Malley is always in the Irish bar or playing his guitar? Shouldn't he be "governing?" Well, I got news for ya...

Just as I told da Washington Post: People always seems to have a vision that their governor should sitting behind a desk all day bored, waiting for people to come into their office, and, yes, sometimes they do force me to do just that, and while we do hang out close to Annapolis in da bars during session-most of my time has always been spent on the road, going to the Irish bars all across the state, being on stage with a guitar in my hand...that's the way I've always rolled since I'm a fly sexy governor. People want to see da O'Malley up close and I ain't one to disappoint.

So I am bringing my sexy self on tour to 11 stops all across Maryland. Of course, I'll be bringing my entourage of taxpayer-funded employees and police escorts with me coz I'M A ROCK STAR GOV, BABY!

Be there or be square!


It's a brilliant move. It's not Irish, but alcohol, music, pretty girls, the opportunity to prank the Repbs (who are just up the street) on a daily basis...What's not to love?

Also, a few of you have asked why I didn't post about the end of session.

That's because I was too wasted to remember most of it.

However u would be surprised to learn that it's not all fun and games after the balloons and confetti drop...

(This is boring, can U get me a Heineken?)

In the middle of your holiday party, I doubt they make you take a "work break," but that's what they do in Annapolis. I was ready to do another round, when they dragged my drunk ass back in there to sign some damn bills.

LOL, "bleary-eyed" is right. Luckily, they realize that you're gonna be pretty gone by that time, so I didn't have to sign them all, only a third. They put off the rest of them till May. So I signed a few bills, smiled for a few pictures, chatted up a few lobbyists and lawmakers, and then I hit the bars again.

Being governor sure is hard work.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Why is Isaac Salazar missing during an emergency???!!

Ok why is MD Dem New Media Director Isaac Salazar missing during an emergency???

And this be a REAL emergency not a fake one like da blizzard.

Haters bitched because during the state of emergency I had declared for the snow storm, I played two shows at the Rams Head Tavern for da lobbyists and my fellow Dem fans. But seriously, snow never hurt anyone. The MD Dems were frolicking in it and makin snow balls.

But with Isaac missing, who is going to turn on the (moon)bat signal and alert the Dems that O'Malley is in trouble?

Dems need to be callin in to Ehrlich's radio show tomorrow to tell him that he's a big meanie.

Last night, I was partying it up in da Irish bar with my lobbyist friends and fellow Dems. (And damn right, I'm gonna get myself to safety first, before I tell those fools that there might be a fire in da bar.) Today, as you can tell by the slang, I be the one updating the official twitter. (Thankfully, they taught me how to delete drunk texts) . I could be out havin fun, but tonight on a damn Friday, I be trying to alert all the Dems.

*Sigh* O'Malley be working damn hard to keep his job

Click on the pic

No more (moon)bat signal? :(

What will I do if no one is listening to me? I don't want to talk to myself...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Too Sexy 4 Ehrlich's Radio Show

Sorry I misspelled ur name Ehrlich on da official twitter, but I had one too many Heinekens. U should be SCURRED, I don't need to be debate ya. I can win a million votes just by showing up cause I am so hot and fly. So let me pull out my guitar and sing some Beyonce for ya...

Henry, can you handle this?
Greg, can you handle this?
Paul, can you handle this?
Coz I don't think Ehrlich can handle this
Im lookin sexy, lookin fly
Hey man, don't u wanna debate wit me?
Can u handle, handle me?
U gotta do much betta if u gunna debate wit me Saturday
read my lips carefully, I wanna be on TV,
Take a good look at me, Im gonna get u shook up & scared of me
I dont think U R ready 4 da O'Malley
I dont think U R ready 4 da O'Malley
I dont think U R ready 4 da O'Malley
Cause Im just too sexy & fly 4 ya


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Surrounded once again by stupid people

Why the hell am I surrounded by stupid people???!!!!

Why have we been running ads and doing polls that tell people that Ehrlich is a lobbyist, only to have dumbass Travis Tazelaar tell the Baltimore Sun that we have no evidence that Ehrlich has been lobbying?

What's next? Are you guys going to finally admit that justdafacts takes orders from me? Or that I'm going to hike everyone's taxes if I get re-elected?

And what the hell is up with the Baltimore Sun lady reporter writing: "But there's a flaw in the Democrats' argument. Ehrlich is not exactly a lobbyist."

Then she has to write, "In Annapolis, the highest-paid lobbyists-those with the most access to lawmakers and whose voices are heard far more than average citizens-are Democrats."

I need a drink. I'm done for now.

First Post!!!!!

"U want more? Well, I'm gonna give u more...cause it's Martin, bitch"
~O'Malley's March performing Britney Spears' "Gimme More"

Haters fall back! Make way for the O'Malley/Obama train: bringing progress and change to Maryland. U all better behave or I'll sic Justa on you!

Im not just a pretty face. As my spokesman Rick pointed out, I'm a scholar and a poet too, so I'm gonna use this blog to share those really, really, really deep thoughts that often I think.

As u all might know, Ehrlich is gonna announce Wednesday. Not sure why I have to go through this crap again...It like Déjà vu all over again. People last week people keep stating the obvious:

Bears poop in da woods. The pope is Catholic. Ricky Martin is gay. Ehrlich is going to run for governor...which of course brings us to another obvious fact: I am still hot.

Damn. Wow, just look at me

Or let me break it down in a way that even Repbs can understand:

I am more than ready to get this race started!

But I'm not gonna just rely on my flyness to beat Ehrlich. I've got a solid plan to beat him.

It's been a hard one to follow. I wanted to raise taxes so badly this year, but I was good. Sen. Miller gave me some good advice. He said I should just say jobs whenever I feel the urge to say tax. That's how I got my slogan: jobs, jobs, jobs!!!

The plan is: I'm gonna make all them Tea Party people think I'm da real conservative in the governor's race. I gonna play those fools for all they're worth. I even put up a pic of myself looking like G.W. to fool them. Even a few days before it hit the papers, I told y'all about how I had Justa convince the Baltimore Sun to go after AFP.

my official bio pic: GW or Martin?

After we get rid of the MD AFP, we gonna bring back MD ACORN and rename them "Americans for Hope" Then they're gonna tell everyone that O'Malley is da true tea party hero and I'll win. Then I get to raise taxes, increase spending and expand the size of government again :)


U should be.